8/17/10 "Catch Up"

Third round of chemotherapy was 8/6/10 and 50% of the way thru my treatment, I still have about 50% of my hair! It's not enough that I feel comfortable leaving the house without a hat, but it's enough I am ok with close friends and not having to have my head covered.

Went as planned - no crazy side-effects. I was running late because we had the appointment upstairs for William, and the scheduler had said "Just come downstairs when you're done" probably assuming his appt wouldn't take that long (Haha!). THANKFULLY they are both in the same office, so I was able to RUN down there when we were finished. I made the poor nurse manager poke my arm for the lab work knowing if she tried to start an IV fast before I saw the doctor, she'd regret it (since she'd likely be the one picking me up off the floor). She was distraught at the thought of sticking me twice, but I have horrible anxiety attacks when IVs are started. I literally get so lightheaded and dizzy that if I'm not already sitting down, I have trouble not blacking out for a good 20-30 minutes following. It is BAD.  It's literally easier for me to get a blood test done than have an iv started for whatever reason.

I got my 2 dose package of  Emend (anti-nausea meds) and one was pretty smashed up. The 2nd pill was obliterated. They are capsuls, so I poped it out of the foil to be covered in tiny beads of medicine and plastic pill parts. Thankfully, the nausea wasn't too bad, and I had another med to take. These pills retail for $115 EACH. While I only had to pay $40 for the two pills, I was still angry they hadn't made it in tact and by the time they'd ship me any more, it'd really be too late to cover the nausea from the chemo. Thankfully, the pharmacist I talked to was great about it and sent me two more, for next month, free of charge. I guess when drugs cost that much, you get GREAT customer service. :)
My count that day was 7,000 and Dr K was REALLY hesitant to let me go home without any additional treatment. The problem with that was that the month before she started the Plaquenil 1 week following chemo and we have no way of knowing if the extra nausea and yuckiness I felt was from chemo or Plaquenil, additionally, we had no way to know what helped my count go up! I reminded here there was a teeny amount of steroid in the IV (to help with nausea) and that my kids would be gone ALL weekend, and I promised to stay in bed. With that, she let me go and happily, my platelet count was up to 19,000 the following week! I go in again Friday to have my blood drawn again.

Days like today...

As much as I try, it's just all too much. The huge influx of medical bills, the insanity with feeling like I'm so sick I can't even manage to listen to my children chatter at me like they do - the frustration and tension that comes with everything coming at us so fast and furiously. Some days, like today, it's just too much. I can't keep my chin up, I can't make it better, I can't fix anything, I can barely walk across the room. It's days like today I wonder where the big miracles are. Sometimes, I don't even want a big miracle, I just want God to remember my name - and remember we're here, trying our hardest to do it all right. I'll write about Friday in a little while...I need to cry a little more right now.