Oh dear God, the pain.

I try not to whine...I have been trying now for years to put a positive, Christ-focused spin on everything that's gone on in my life and my family. But, oh, dear Lord Jesus, I can't take the pain anymore.

One of the medications Dr. K put me on has had a side-effect of joint pain. Because I wasn't on either medication very long, I tried to just push through thinking it'd get better. It' didn't. About 2 weeks in, I finally called my Doctor who gave me a prescription for oxycodone (even though there was a shortage at the time). It helped a little, but when you're taking care of three small children, having to choose between being high on pain meds or being in pain and coherant is tough. It's just gotten worse! I think the last two days I've had some sort of bug with a fever so if I don't take Motrin, the pain spreads throughout my whole body and doesn't stay just in my joints. The last 2 mornings, I've had to take both Mortin and oxycodone just to get out of bed. This is not okay!

I was told last Tuesday when I saw the Doctor last that they were going to refer me to a rheumatologist to rule out any auto-immune disorders related to joints. Once you have an auto-immune disorder, any and all of the others can pop up without notice and add to your problems.

I was crying to my sister last night saying that I feel like I'm alienating my friends...that when I do call it's because I'm in dire need of help, not because I want to see if I can help them, or if we can just hang out. It's so frustrating to me! I broke down at the doctor's office Tuesday in tears saying "I just want my life to be normal, so I can take care of my family." She gave me a big hug...I think she's starting to see my desperation.

Okay...I think I'm done venting for now. It's just hard sometimes. It's hard a lot of the time.