7/19/10 Lab Results and Hair Issues

Platelet count today was a whopping 15,000. I was told by the nurse that Dr. K was out today but if the on-call Dr wanted me to do anything differently than what I was, she'd call my cell. I never heard back, so I'm guessing I just take the Plaquenil until I hear from my own Dr. tomorrow. If I don't hear, I'll call them tomorrow afternoon and see if I am supposed to change anything, or when to come in for another blood test.

In other news - yesterday I did my hair and asked Joel to check for any "holes". I asked if I should just wear a hat or scarf, and he hemmed and hawwed for a few seconds and I finally said "If I need to do it, just let me know!" He suggested I might feel more comfortable wearing a scarf or a hat.

I officially "need" to wear something on my head when I leave the house. I'm not going to say I didn't have a difficult time with it. I cried. I felt awkward walking in to the party for the first time with short hair and a straw cowboy-style sun hat. They're totally in style, and, it's a cute one. I got a ton of compliments on how cute I looked. I still felt awkward. It's probably just because I knew what was underneath.

Have I mentioned that I have the most amazing husband? I do. He never fails to give me a shoulder to cry on, arms to wrap around me and hold me tightly, prayers at any time, day or night, and an ear to listen. No matter how many times I have said "I hate this!" or "I can't do this anymore" he always listens without judgement and reminds me I can, and that we'll do it - together. I have cried at the thought that before the beginning of time, God knew this was the man I was to walk this journey with, and made Joel with an amazing patience and grace for carrying "the weight of the world" on his shoulders without looking like he's weighed down at all. In fact, he says he's happy to do it. And that knowing what he knows now, he'd marry me again, a hundred times over. It's funny how, when you get married, you think you can't love a person more than you at that very moment. But, as time goes by, the longer I am with Joel, the more I simply cannot fathom life without him. He is a good man.

I could write about Joel all day. :) But, back to hair loss, since that's the topic of the hour. The woman I met with at the wig-shop said to shave my hair no shorter than a "3" guard when the time came. There's no reason to bic it all the way off, according to her. I am not choosing to lose my hair. In fact, though I "chose" to cut it off, and soon will "choose" to shave it, it's not really  my choice. I am sad. I like having longer hair. I like being able to curl it and straighten it and make it pretty for 'date nights'. I am very sad that I'm losing it, especially knowing it will take so long to really grow back in again after the chemo stops (4 more months) and even then, knowing it might never be the same again. My friend Abby cut her hair short by choice. She had literally, the most amazing long, healthy, thick dark brown hair I have ever seen in my life. Could I just have taken HER hair, I would have in a heart beat. Abby is beautiful inside and out, and she looks absolutely amazing with long or short hair, or, even a shaved head. How do I know? Because she did shave her head! I think it started as a color issue the first time, if I remember right, and she decided to just shave it. It had already been short on the sides and longer in the middle, so she did it in stages, but it ended up shaved. ALL OFF. Abby did hers as a choice. Abs is confident, and amazing and has overcome so much in the last few years. She looks beautiful with or without hair - and her confidence shines. I don't feel so confident. I don't feel too shiny or brave or awesome. So, I've asked Abby to come and help me shave my head when the time comes. I'm sure I could do it by myself. But I feel like I want a little bit of her strength and confidence to transfer to me when the deed is done. And, thankfully, she has agreed.

Today I nearly left the house without my hat - I totally didn't think about it, simply because it hasn't been necessary until now. I can see this whole thing will be taking some getting used to. Also, I can see it's about time to place the order for the wig.

Right now I'm watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua with the kids, so I'll close. Tomorrow is another day.