The Day After

Today has been a rough day. I have been in bed nearly all day, nauseous while using 2 forms of RX anti-nauseas, (which both cause headaches), and exhausted, and achy. Chemotherapy really does suck the life out of me for a couple days following - and just when I'm starting to feel better, my hair starts coming out in handfuls. :)  But, God knows the number of hairs on (or not on) my head, and knows the number of treatments I'll have to do to see if this works, or doesn't work.

Dr K had been convinced after seeing a 29,000 count go to a 33,000 count in just days, that after the 2nd chemotherapy treatment, if I got up to/above 50,000 and stayed for the next 3 weeks, that she could be convinced to stop treatment. She said all that, then we got the results of my blood test back with a knock at the door. 13,000. They'd dropped out by 20,000 in just a matter of days with no cause that we know of. So, now things are up in the air again. I get to go in once a week to see what my count is, and then it will be decided if I go in for round 3.

The kids were in and out of my room - with a promise to watch their show quietly or to keep the Xbox volume down low (and not to wiggle TOO much) but sweet Livi just has zero concept of quiet (and of not wiggling as that's literally all she does all day long!). She went for a long walk with Joel and the dog today, stopping to play at the slides and climb, and chase around other kids, and Joel thought he'd had her thoroughly worn out, but...no siree! She laid in bed singing yelling "Row, row, row your boat" so long that each of the boys went down to complain about how loud she was being. After making her sad eyes and pitiful face, and saying "I snuggle you, Daddy" in her sweetest little princess voice, he took her downstairs to snuggle. That, my friends, was HOURS ago. Now, she's been in my room about 15 minutes after telling Daddy "I miss Mommy today, I need to snuggle her". He brought her up and she demanded the big pillow and told me it was her turn to pick a show. 13 minutes into an episode of "Wow, Wow Wubbzzy" and she'll be heading to bed soon, but not before getting in her snuggle time with mama. Being away from my kids or having my tolerance of noise and wiggles severely lowered has probably been the hardest part of all of this.

I know that my love language is touch, and it's become very clear that at least two of my 3 kids have the same love language. I've spent the entire time up until now "rubbering" her arms, legs, feet, back, tummy and head...and now her little finger is rubbing softly on my arm. Her bedtime routine is to get snuggled up with ber "LullaBible" CD turned on, then she'll roll on her tummy and say "rubber my back and pray" every night. She closes her eyes tightly while I pray and rub her back softly and usually (USUALLY!) she's good to snuggle in for the night.

Hunter's the same way - he adores snuggling and will sit as close to you as humanly possible even holding hands with intertwined fingers if he gets his way.  When I don't feel good, he makes an extra effort to come and give me kisses so "You can feel better, Mommy!". My children are precious - and I love them so much.